Going to Hell
by FaithfulKitten
Summary: Faith makes a deal to save Buffy's life. This starts with Faith in jail and Buffy fighting Glory. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

It's been three days, 22 hours, and 17 minutes since Buffy died. How do I know this? Because I felt it the moment she passed from this world. It was like a blow to my nervous system. All systems went into immediate shock causing an overload followed quickly by me passing out. It's never a good thing to pass out in a prison, rather dangerous if you plan on living out your sentence. Thankfully I was in solitary for my own protection supposedly. I think it was for the fact that I beat a guard to within an inch of his life after I found him raping one of the inmates. I had heard him before; the joys of slayer hearing. This time I caught him in the act. I broke his legs, arms, both hands, and of course did massive amounts of damage to his little itty bitty tinky winkie. It created quite a scandal. Seems inmate Simms had reported officer MacNally on more than one occasion and the supervisor chose to ignore it. Finally Simms lawyer brought it up after I had beaten MacNally. The supervisor is also a bit nervous since I warned her once I get out of solitary she better be careful. That definitely earned me an extra week in solitary. Undoubtedly she is looking for a reassignment.

Now I am sitting here in this small cell staring at a demon who has made an offer I don't think I can resist. The question becomes what would you do for the person you love most in the world? Would you kill? Would you steal? Would you sacrifice yourself? Give up your freedom? I would do any and all of those things. The past would suggest otherwise but I love her with all that I am and all that I will ever be. The world seems like a much darker place without her and if I can save her then I will regardless of what I have to give up.

"So let me get this straight. If I agree to this little proposal I have to go to hell for two hundred years? Why would the devil suddenly decide he wants to give me this little opportunity?" I question the shriveled up demon in front of me.

"I do not question my lord I merely follow his orders." He tells me in a stern voice. "The master has ordered me to come and offer you the chance to change the fate of your fellow slayer. If you agree to this bargain you will go to hell and serve him for two hundred years. In turn, he will turn back time and you will take your fellow slayers place. You will jump off that tower and close the door between worlds. You will fall into the portal and straight to hell. Do you agree Slayer?" He says slayer with a small bit of contempt.

Overall I think what do I have to give up? I have been sentenced to life in prison which is 25 years. My entire youth will have been spent before I even get out, if I ever get out. I know for sure that my battery of MacNally will probably earn me a couple more years. So really what is two hundred years in hell if it means she gets to live? If it means she has a chance to be happy?

"Deal" I state simply. The demon merely smiles and begins to chant. I don't understand the words but I get there meaning rather quickly as my world starts to shift and change. The ground under my feet suddenly disappears and I am falling through the abyss. Closing my eyes I try not to be sick at the feeling of vertigo.

As quickly as it started the lurching feeling ends and I find myself standing on top of a very high ledge. Taking a quick look around me I see Dawn tied to the end of the ledge bleeding slowly. A demon with the form of a human has a bloody butcher knife in one hand. Obviously he's the one who did the cutting. Looking down I see a red crumpled body, seems at least one person has tried to rescue Dawn.

"Did I miss my invitation?" I ask the demon. He turns shocked to see me there.

"Ah another idiot comes to try to stop me. Well it's too late the gates have been open. My mistress will be free." He tells me while advancing towards me with the knife.

Without a moment's hesitation I drop down and sweep his legs out from under him. Using his momentum I throw him off the ledge and into a nice long drop. I'll see him in hell. Picking up the knife he dropped I walk to Dawn and cut the bindings. The portal has already opened and it's slowly getting bigger. Wow that's a long drop. Moving Dawn away from the edge I cut up my top and bind up the cuts.

"Faith what are you doing here?" She asks me while crying.

Wiping away her tears I try to decide what to tell her. My time is short and how much of it do I have to waste of conversation? Yet I do owe her an explanation. This child, this young woman stood up for me when no one else would. She believed in me no matter how far I fell. Her faith in me was far stronger than the faith I had in myself. True a good portion of that might have been due to hero worship but it was still there. I have never treated her like a child, like she was incapable of understanding the realities of life. I'm not going to start now.

"You can't tell your sister because I already know how she is going to react. I've made a deal with a demon." Her look tells me that she is not happy with my opening. "I've agreed to go to hell in exchange for your sister's life. Almost four days ago your sister jumped off this tower and died to save you and the world. You know how I feel about Buffy, Dawn and I can't let that happen again. I would rather go to hell for the next 200 years than live in a world without her." Part of me wishes I hadn't told her but the other part says I never kept secrets from her so why should I start now.

"How can that be?" She asks completely confused. She looks so sad so lost.

"Time was turned back so I could be here. When I jump off that ledge I'll go into the portal and find myself in hell. The portal will close behind me and Buffy and the world gets to live on. I've been sentenced to 25yrs in prison Dawn. My life was forfeit the day I walked into that police station, the day I killed Allen Finch. My time is up and if I can save the world at least once, if I can save her at least once then I am happy." Turning around I see the portal has gotten bigger and a couple of things that look like dragons have taken advantage of it.

"I have to go, it's time. Remember I love you Sunshine. You were the sister I always wanted. You were the anchor through my year in Sunnydale, I think things would have been much worse without you. Take care of yourself and your sister." Without giving her a chance to respond I give her a large hug. Pulling away I make a run for the ledge. Propelling myself off without thought I feel the world falling away from me. The drop is sudden and my stomach is still standing next to Dawn. Turning slightly I see Buffy reach the top of the tower and wrap a sobbing Dawn in a hug. The shock on her face is a little classic.

Turning my attention back to the portal I see it rushing up to meet me. In seconds I am enveloped in a blinding white light. The light slowly fades and suddenly I am engulfed in darkness. I feel like I've been falling forever. The darkness is pitch black and there is no way for me to tell if I am falling up or down. Slamming into the ground I see we have come to a stop. The wind is knocked out of me and for a few seconds I am struggling to draw in breath. My mind is in a blind panic trying desperately to regain my breath to regain my senses. Checking over my body I see that besides losing my breath I'm fine. Watch that first step cause it's a doozy.

"There are better ways to enter hell." A deep voice tells me to my left. Turning towards the voice I see a tall blonde man with high cheekbones, pale white skin, and midnight blue eyes. He's an angel, so beautiful my breath is taken away in awe. Looking at him a part of me wants to bow down in worship of such a magnificent being. "Sadly I had to turn back time and find a convenient way to close a portal without killing the other slayer. Since that portal opened into here as well I figured I might as well kill two birds with one stone. The portal needed the keys blood to close and since you and your fellow slayer made the key you were in turn both able to close it."

It takes me a moment to process everything he just said. You and the other slayer made the key: the key being Dawn. So Buffy and I in essence have a child. I'm an inadvertent mom. Strange I always thought that I would be the first to know when I was going to have a child or when I had a child. I suppose mystically created children are the anomaly. I suppose that helps to explain why I felt such an innate bond with Dawn.

"Why would you offer me this opportunity? What do you gain by having me in hell for 200yrs?" I ask focusing my attention back on the angel in front of me.

"You belong to me. Why would I pass up the opportunity to have you by my side? I lost you once and I will not lose you again." The intensity to his voice scares me.

"Who are you?" I ask to fill the void that has fallen between us, I have a good clue but a little confirmation wouldn't hurt.

"Lucifer, the morning star, the prince of darkness, Luc, I am all these and none." He tells me his voice soft, his face a little slack telling me he is lost in thought.

Standing up I brush off the dirt from my clothes and take a better look at my surroundings. There is no sun, no moon, no stars, but a faint red glow permeates the area and in the horizon I see a aura of reddish gold light. Slightly to the left of that is a large mass of black, it's even blacker than its surrounding giving it a massive and intimidating appearance even from afar.

"So what would you have of me for the next 200yrs?" I ask as nonchalantly as possible. Really I'm impressed that I am as calm as I currently am. I'm in hell, I am serving a 200yr sentence, and the devil himself feels that I belong to him and that I always have. This feels like a really bad horror movie and I am the dumb heroine who runs up the stairs instead of out the front door.

"What I have always wanted, what I have waited millennia upon millennia for." He says once again walking in the realm of unnecessarily cryptic. Honestly what's wrong with stating exactly what you want?

"Look buddy this cryptic bullshit has gotten a little old a little fast. I'm here in hell and obviously I have signed away all rights however regardless of my current residence in hell I do not belong to anybody. I have free will and even if I don't have rights I do have the ability to make my own decisions. I've given up my freedom to you not my ability to make a decision. Now cut the shit and tell me what the deal really is. I've already agreed I just want to really know what I have agreed to."

"My you have not changed a signal bit in all these years. Each time you were born I watched you and every time you came into the world with such fire, such passion. It was that fire that drew me to you. The conditions of your time here will be made known in time. I know that seems like I am dragging on the inevitable but I will tell you as it becomes necessary. Now follow me." He tells me while motioning me towards the dark mass on the horizon.

Feeling I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain I move in the direction of the mass. The walk is done in silence. Each of us lost in our own thoughts I suppose. The fact that I have committed more than one lifetime here does not escape my notice. The fact that I made that commitment without knowing the full extent of what I was walking into doesn't even surprise me. Desperation and depression make people do some very interesting and unique things.

The mass turns out to be a castle. The closer we get the more detail is revealed. It's large to say the least made of a stone either onyx or obsidian. The castle is symmetrical with four towers facing each cardinal point or so I assume. I have no sense of direction here and nothing to tell me if north or south even exist. I see opening which I assume are windows but there is no glass or shutters. I suppose the weather is always the same here so there is little need for glass windows to keep out the foul weather. Walking through the large outer gates and through a massive stone door we enter the castle proper.

It's beautiful to say the least. The walls are a glistening black that reflects the light. The furniture is a mix of modern and Victorian, large tapestries line the hallways depicting what I assume is a continuous story or multiple stories. Luc leads me through a series of hallways and corridors, through chambers spartanly and lavishly furnished and finally into a set of chambers. The first room is a parlor with modern furniture, a beautiful chaise the color of blood, a small writing desk, and several bookshelves. It is warm and cozy, a room you would want to spend your free time in. The second room attached to the first is a bedroom that is larger than my motel room times ten. It's massive with a huge canopied king size bed. The color scheme is the same, black and red. Another chaise, a settee and another larger desk along with several book cases are artfully placed around the room giving it a functional yet aesthetically pleasing appeal. Connected to the main chamber is a bathroom that is two times larger than my old motel room with a shower and tub, the color scheme is white and black. I figure everything in this place will be something and black. Adjacent to the bathroom is a large walk in closet filled with clothes of all fashions, styles, and eras. I see gowns that look straight out of the 18th century and some from the 16th. There is a whole rack designated with leather pants, jeans, tank tops, and blouses. I can tell at a glance that the majority would fit me if not all of it.

The careful planning that went into designing this suite and the effort it took to find the right clothes and sizes leaves me feeling a bit more nervous. What is the devil planning for me? I expected eternal suffering for my sins not living in the lap of luxury. Clearly I was wrong about his intentions. Or is this a way to take me off my guard? Give me what I want and then take it all away? Turning to the fallen angel at my side I study him carefully wondering what his motives are.

"These are your quarters for the remainder of your time with me. I hope it pleases you?" He says with a slight lilt at the end making me think it is more of a question than a statement.

"Yes, this is amazing. What is it exactly that you want from me? Why would you trade her life for me being here if it isn't to make me into a servant or punish me for my sins?" I've asked myself these same questions so often within the last couple of hours it feels like a mantra.

"As I said before you will find out when I find it time to tell you. As far as you need to know in this time at this moment is that I want you here. These will be your quarters, rest tonight, tomorrow your lessons begin." With that said he walks out of the room and out of the outer chambers.

Staring at the doorway I wonder why he was so abrupt and so short. It seems like a valid question to ask why I'm here, clearly not in his mind though. Releasing a pent up sigh I strip down and pull back the covers. I'm not one to normally obey blindly but I am tired, exhausted even. A good night's rest might make all of this make more sense. Sliding under the sheets I sigh in pleasure. These are the softest, silkiest sheets I have ever had the pleasure to sleep between.

Someone moving around inside my room wakes me up. Opening my eyes I stay still searching out with my senses for the intruder's exact location. Finding it moving around at the foot of my bed I feel it is not a threat and sit up. In front of me is a cowled being whose sex is indefinable. Slowly and methodically it lays out clothes on the chest at the end of the bed. Seeing me awake it motions to the bathroom. Getting out of bed I walk into the bathroom to see that a bath has been drawn. The water is still steaming and mildly I wonder how there is water in hell. Shutting the door on my unwelcome visitor I strip down and slide into the tub. The heat is a little much for me but welcome none the less.

The water smells faintly of roses and lavender a rather feminine smell. I tend to go for something a little muskier and spicier. Going through my bath I wash my hair and my body head to toe. Feeling clean and rather relaxed I step out. Towels have been laid out for me along with a large robe. Drying off I slip into it and walk back out to my room. The servant for lack of a better word is still there patiently waiting for me, a brush in one hand and a comb in the other. Seems the devil doesn't think I am able to brush my own hair. Releasing a resigned sigh I sit down at my desk and let the servant do its job.

Relaxing under the gentle brushing I fall into a semi doze. The lack of movement behind me brings me out of the daze I had slipped into. Turning around I see the servant motioning to the clothes laid out on the bed; a slinky black dress. I shake my head refusing to put it on. The servant is insistent, repeatedly motioning towards the dress in a silent appeal. After several minutes I finally relent knowing that in situations like this it is occasionally easier just to go with the flow. I put on a bra and underwear and allow the servant to help me with the dress. I watch as it motions me to sit down again and I comply. I stare at the mirror as the being behind me plays with my hair slowly putting it up in a complicated style that I would never have the patience to do myself. Finally it walks away only to return with a beautiful diamond necklace. Without listening to my protests the servant clasps the necklace on and steps back as if admiring its work. Getting up I blow out a breath of frustration and walk over to the shoes laid out for me. Sliding on the high heeled pumps I can't help but think it's odd that everything fits perfectly. Turning back to the servant I see that it is gone and the devil is in its place.

"You look radiant my dear." He tells me in a silky voice. His eyes move over my body admiringly.

I can't help the slight blush that has slowly crawled its way up my neck and onto my cheeks. His open admiration is a bit much. I nod my thank you and wonder how to break the silence that has built up between us. "Why did I have to wear this dress?" I finally ask my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Because we are going to dinner." He tells me as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. Of course we are going to dinner; in hell. Yes it all makes sense now. Why didn't I see it before? I give him a speculative look and decide to go ahead and ask another question.

"What should I call you?"

"Luc will be fine." He tells me while walking over to loop my arm with his. I nod and let him lead me out of the room, through my ante chamber and down the hall. We go down several corridors and stop in front of a large set of double doors. I wait for a moment and then move to open them. Luc restrains me and before I can object the doors open. I look at the door and then Luc and shake my head. Hell is going to take a long time to get used to.

I let Luc lead me down a large mahogany table. It's big enough to seat fifty people and it seems a bit much for two. A servant comes and pulls out my chair and obligingly I take my seat. Luc sits at the head of the table with me to the right. I wonder why there seems to be a need for such ceremony.

The servant pours two glasses of wine and leaves to get what I assume are the first course. I look at Luc and marvel again at how beautiful he is. He watches me watching him without a word. It seems that conversation of some type is in order. I figure this as good a time as ever to get some of my questions answered.

"Why would you do all of this for me?" I ask breaking the deepening silence.

"I have waited for you for so long. I have watched you live so often and so often you were beyond my reach. This is the first of your lives where I have had the opportunity to have you. I was not going to let the chance get away from me." He tells me taking a sip of wine.

Everything he says is like a riddle. He's waited for me and he has watched me several times. That is all rather creepy but nothing he says is actually making any sense to me. How is it that this time I was within his reach? What is so different in this lifetime? Sadly out of the two of us I can't remember my past lives. Hell I didn't even know I had past lives. Shaking my head in annoyance I ask another question.

"Why or how were you able to get me this time?" I ask hoping for a clue into all of this.

"This is the first time that you have stepped into the darkness of your own free will. You were always so pure. In this life you walked away from your calling. In this life you willingly killed a man. I would not have been able to bring you here if you had not. Allan Finch was an accident and for that you would not have been condemned to my realm. Lester on the other hand was a choice. I've waited until I had enough to bargain with. When the other slayer died I saw my chance and I moved time to get you here."

I am flabbergasted to say the least. Talk about your past actions turning around and biting you in the ass. The fact that by killing Lester I am condemned to hell is a heavy blow. The fact that I came here of my own volition is rather ironic. It's so ironic I can't help but laugh a little. I suppose searching for redemption was a rather pathetic thing to do. Sad to think that for one shinning moment I thought I could make things better. That I could make up for the things I had done. The knowledge that I am doomed to go to hell no matter what makes going to jail and supposedly redeeming myself feel somewhat pointless. It's not like I expected to get a free pass to heaven if I searched for redemption, I was just hoping it would get me into purgatory instead. That thought makes me laugh a little harder and I look up to see Luc staring at me.

"I'm sorry I just can't help but think this is all rather ironic. I mean I never thought I would go to hell and the fact that I came here willingly is a bit much. Condemned to hell to serve out eternity only to go there willingly is funny you have to admit."

"You were never condemned to go to Hell Faith." Luc tells me cutting my chuckles short. "As a Slayer you were destined to go to Heaven. It is the reward given to all Slayers for their service. By killing Lester you only allowed me the opportunity to have you. It's rather complicated." He tells me stopping as a servant arrives with soup.

Looking at the servant I silently curse the interruption. Turning my attention to the soup in front of me I am surprised to see that it is minestrone. It's my favorite and again I am struck by how creepy it is to be around someone who has supposedly been watching you, your entire life. I decide to put conversation on the back burner and eat. Prison isn't the best place to go when you have a high metabolism. Solitary in turn is the worst place to be if you need food on a regular basis. The portions they give you normally are normal for a normal person. I could eat twice the amount. In solitary my portions are cut in half since I am supposedly not expending any energy. I felt like I was starving to death.

I make my way through the soup and am surprised by how delicious it actually is. I can't help but wonder in the back of my mind where the food comes from. Honestly how can you grow vegetables without sunlight? It's a strange thought to be having while eating said vegetable but there it is. The soup is taken away shortly after I finish and a beautiful steak with asparagus, cauliflower, and broccoli is placed in front of me. I pick up my knife and fork cutting into the steak with reverence; medium rare. I moan in ecstasy at the first bite. It is heaven pure and simple. I don't bother making conversation since I am far too wrapped up in my meal. If this is a form of torture I would take it any day.

Finishing up my steak and vegetables I finally turn to Luc. I am full and for the first time I wonder if he actually ate. I was too consumed in the joy of eating to pay him any mind. Does the devil need food? Shaking that thought aside I pick up my wine and take a sip. "Now I have to point out that you still haven't explained why you want me?" I ask bringing us back to the original topic before I was sidetracked by my stomach.

"Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time God created Earth and the animals upon it. God was rather young when it first created this particular Universe. She was no more than a couple of centuries at the time. That is rather young for an immortal. This particular planet was a playground of sorts. She meddled with it for a couple of centuries before growing bored and forgetting about it. Instead she turned her attention back to the sky. There she created US; Her Angel's. We were her companions a way of alleviating the boredom that comes with eternity. She imbued us with some of her own essence. We are not immortal but very close. At least originally we weren't.

"Now one particular Angel became her favorite; her morning star. This Angel loved God and bowed before her in reverence. This Angel obeyed with unending faith and love. One day God's eye turned back to that long forgotten Universe and saw that many things had changed. The animals that once existed were gone and new ones had replaced them. Looking at this new world she decided to create a new species. That is when God created humanity. She molded your kind in our image but she did not imbue you with her essence. You were special and she gave you far more privileged than her Angel's were given. She gave you free will. It is a magical thing; free will. It allowed humanity to do so much; to create, to destroy, and all with her blessing.

"In the sky we watched you all with your constant searching for something you would never reach. It was all rather comic to us until we began to feel a touch of jealousy at all your privileged. We were insulted that you, were her second children and had something so magnificent as freedom, while we were bound. God sensing our resentment decided that we would become the guardian's of mankind. She divided us into levels by our birth, for we are born, made really. Then we were assigned tasks among the humans. We were to guide them, to guard them.

"You would think in this perfect world that there would be nothing to guard the humans from or guide them away from. Yet there was darkness, a darkness that was the byproduct of the creation of humans. That byproduct evolved and reproduced and evil was transformed into several forms and species. The original demons that roamed this earth were powerful. They slowly gained power and soon humanity was cowering under them serving as food and slaves. That is when the Elder's intervened. They created the first slayer. They broke God's laws and imbued one girl with the essence of the Darkness. God's anger was felt for several eons for she turned a blind eye from the humans. She refused them the use of her Angel's. She let them fall into the darkness.

"The Morning Star though refused to leave the humans to their fate. He watched in curiosity as the human girl was sent out to the world, forced to fight the darkness on her own. He watched her die in terror and pain. He watched the second girl get called. She was light and fire and then before he knew it he was falling. He disobeyed God to protect her. He revealed himself to her and she in turn fell in love with him.

"For once he understood a love more powerful than his love for God. He fought beside the slayer but he was not strong enough to protect her. The demons were too powerful and she was just one girl. At her death he grew angry, enraged. He cursed God's inability to protect her own children. It was Her fault that the demons ruled the earth. It was her fault that his love was dead. He gathered the Angel's, all the ones who had come to believe that it was their duty to protect humanity. A great war was started against the demons. It lasted for decades and nothing came of it but death and destruction. The Morning Star finally pleaded with God for humanity's protection and this time he angered God in turn.

"God had watched his disobedience in simmering anger. She had watched as he had convinced her Angel's to die in an attempt to save humanity. God cursed her Angel and banned him from the heavens. She created a haven for the souls of humans. She decreed that all future slayers would be given access to that haven. The slayers became the new children of heaven. God turned her eye upon humanity again with a kind heart.

"The Morning Star was angrier that before. He had lost his companion, his love, and demons still roamed the earth enslaving humanity. The thing he feared he had truly lost was the ability to ever see his love again. So he ascended and created a world for demons. Deep in the caverns of earth he created Hell. He captured the demons, the strongest ones and brought them to hell where they could no longer harm humanity.

"God saw this and looked upon her child with both approval and disapproval. She was not happy that he had turned his love away from Her. She disliked that he had found another to love and to worship. God decreed that the soul the Morning Star loved would always be reincarnated as a slayer. That she would always be given access to heaven and that he would never be with her again. It was a crushing blow to the Morning Star but he prevailed. He found a loop within God's decree's, one that would allow him one day to be with his true love again.

"He worked hard and rebuilt his Hell multiple times to make it a place to contain the demons but also a place she would be comfortable living in. He took the damaged souls of humanity and worked hard to rehabilitate them for rebirth. He watched his love be reborn time and again and he waited for the day she would make a mistake. He waited for the day she would tarnish her soul enough to be allowed to return to him. He hated waiting for such a thing to occur but it was misery always watching her and always knowing that he could not have her.

"Then the day came where she chose to kill in cold blood. Again he moved heaven, earth, and time to get her back. Now she sits before him resplendent in the kingdom he created for her. Now he has to fight to win her love again."

Luc finished his story and I couldn't help but stare at him. I just learned what I suppose is the actual story of creation. I also just learned that he is the Morning Star and I…well I guess I am his soul mate. Or at the very least he thinks I am his soul mate. It's all a little overwhelming to think this being has been watching me for centuries. That at one time he fell in love with me and has been waiting for the day I could return to him. It's all a bit much to take during dinner. I mean really this whole topic feels like it would take a whole lifetime to fully process.

"That's a lot to take Luc and I don't fully believe that I am your soul mate. I mean I am in love with Buffy. I sacrificed everything to save her. She is my soul mate." I tell him gently trying not to anger the man who holds my life in his hands.

"She is your Slayer's soul mate. The development of the slayer line is rather unique. During our war with the demons we changed the slayer line. When I say we I mean my fellow Angel's. We imbued as many females with the essence of several demons to make them into slayers. We felt it was the only way we could win. Sadly most of the girls died. The Elder's felt they had lost control of the Slayer now that there were hundreds. After the war they contained the slayer. They killed the few girls that survived and returned to having only one girl. They could the essences so that only one essence could enter a girl at a time. The made sure that only through death could another slayer be called. The essences are in there own way part of the soul. All those souls that were imbued with the demons essence bonded with the demon. Each time they were reborn they were born with the essence lying dormant inside them waiting for the day that its bonds would be released. I know you love her and I know your slayer loves her. You are a mated pair but as much as you belong to her you belong to me." He tells me while taking a sip of wine.

Starring at Luc I can't help but shake my head a couple of times. I feel a headache slowly building and I know most of it is due to stress. I look back to Luc and I still don't know what to say or what to feel about this whole situation. I mean I've agreed to go to hell for 200 years to save my slayer's soul mate. Now I am in hell with my supposed soul mate. Overall it doesn't seem to be a realistic idea. Then again the fact that I am in a castle in hell breaks the rules of reality.

"Come you must be tired. I will escort you back to your room." Luc says while getting up and pulling out my chair.

In a slight daze I let him walk me back. My mind is unable to focus on all the twists and turns necessary to get back to my room so I just let the pressure at my elbow be my guide. At my door Luc just turns away and walks down the hall to I don't know where. I watch him leave and when I can't see him anymore I turn and enter my chambers. The servant is already there waiting to help me get ready for bed. I let it help me not feeling up to offering any objections on how I can undress myself. Instead I let it tuck me into bed and I close my eyes into a world of black oblivion.


	2. Chapter 2

"What was that Dawn? Was that Faith?" Buffy asks me as she sweeps me into her arms. I'm too shocked to answer. One second she was there and the next she was running and jumping off the ledge. I didn't have enough time. I didn't' get to say goodbye. That leap was as final as any death, 200 years is beyond what I can expect to live. She's been gone for so long and now I have lost her permanently; it feels like mom all over again.

"Dawn, please tell me was that Faith?" Buffy continues to badger me. Nodding my head in response I continue to sob uncontrollably. She saved the world but it feels like she took mine away with her.

I feel Buffy tugging me somewhere but I don't bother to pay attention. The portal is closed, the world is safe, and Faith is gone. The knowledge that she is not dead is not as comforting as it should be. Holding my breath I try to even out my breathing and calm down. Going into hysterics isn't going to fix anything.

"Buffy! Dawn! Are you both okay? What happened up there? We saw the portal open and then it suddenly closed." Willow practically shouts as she rushes up to us. Tara silently follows her along with the rest of the gang forming a circle around us.

"I guess Faith closed the portal." Buffy says with a slight lilt making it sound more like a question than a statement.

"How?" They all seem to ask in unison. Suddenly I have seven set of eyes staring at me intently.

"I don't want to talk about it. She saved the world. She did her duty and that is the end of the story." I tell them pulling away from Buffy and breaking the circle. Silence greets my words and actions. I know they are all curious as to what happened up there but I am in no mood to share. I start making my way home and I hear the others start to follow me. I don't look back.

My mind is wandering in circles wondering what is real and what isn't. The monks created my memories but what they created always put Faith in a positive light. She never treated me like I was less. She never kept me in the dark. I know what the others went through in regards to Faith but even when she was supposedly 'bad' she was still good to me. I never told Buffy about my experiences with Faith. Faith is a topic we never discuss. I think the hardest part will be not being able to talk about losing her. I know Buffy won't want to hear any of it. She is set in her mind about Faith being evil.

I don't think Faith was ever evil. I know she made some really bad decisions but in a way I think she did the only thing she could do. I remember the night I learned she had traded sides. I ran to her new apartment finally understanding how she was able to afford it.

"_Faith, open the door I need to talk to you." I said banging repeatedly on the door. After what felt like eternity she opened it and I nearly fell inside._

"_What is it Daylight?" She asked with concern._

"_Is it true? Tell me it isn't true." I ask and her blank look tells me she has no idea what I am talking about. "Have you switched sides are you working for the bad guys now?" I ask and her face falling in shame tells me I am right. She pulls me into the apartment before I am able to walk away._

"_Yes, it is true and I wish it wasn't Daylight."_

"_Then switch back." I tell her, my youth and ignorance making me oblivious to the realities of her situation._

"_It's not that simple you know. I did something that was wrong Daylight, it was an accident but it was still wrong. I staked a human. He's dead and I'm in a lot of trouble. Working for the mayor isn't the cure but it's the best I can do. The Council wants to take me in for 'rehab' which I am pretty sure will not be pleasant, if I am lucky enough to survive it. The Scooby gang has turned on me. The only option I had left was the mayor and honestly I have to admit it was a pretty good deal."_

"_What the hell does that mean?" I ask furiously._

"_It means that by working for the mayor I get this apartment. I get enough to eat every day. I get clothes without having to steal for it. I am relatively safe. I have a source of income. I know working for the mayor is wrong but he gives me everything I have been lacking. He provides safety and security. The bad part is that I am too far gone with him and that if I try to back out, I won't survive. I am sorry to say Daylight but I am fucked regardless of which way I turn._

"_It doesn't mean I won't be there for you Daylight. You know mean too much to me for me to let you out of my life just because of this. I know you may not like the situation I've gotten myself into but I hope you know I'm still here for you, that I will always be here for you." She told me while gathering me up into a hug._

She was always there for me. Even when things were reaching their peak regarding the mayor she still made time for me. The crap that happened after she woke up from her coma I completely understood. No one had visited her in the hospital. I am sorry to say I didn't even visit. She was alone and confused and she was angry. I think she was justified in her anger if not in her actions. Either way we made up after she decided to go to prison.

She sent me a letter apologizing for everything that had happened. I eventually wrote back and our bond blossomed again. It was nice to have someone to talk to. It was comforting to have someone to confess everything to. Faith never judged and she always listened. I regret not being able to visit her in prison. I just wish that I had seen her one more time before the ledge. I remember asking if I could visit and her vehement demand that I not. She said she didn't want me to see her there. Didn't want my memories of her to be tainted by where she was.

"Dawn stop, we need to talk about what happened up on that tower." Giles says breaking me from my thoughts.

Turning around I stare at the gang. They are assembled in the hallway with a look of curiosity and concern. What do they have to be concerned about? The portal was closed, Buffy is safe, and Faith is dead. Everything they want is wrapped in a nice neat package. "What exactly do we need to talk about?" I ask unable to help the bitterness that has slowly creeped into my very being.

"How was Faith suddenly there? None of us saw her climbing up the tower. None of us saw her at all. How was she able to get there? How was she able to close the portal?" Willow asks me her voice filled with venom every time she says Faith's name.

"Aren't you a little old to be holding a grudge against Faith?" I ask and I can tell I've shocked her. Her mouth hangs open for a second too long before closing with a snap. "I mean really you have all had this massive hard on in regards to her past but really what is the point? She chose to work for the mayor that was her only crime against you guys. She didn't kill any of you. She didn't torture any of you. She really didn't do much to harm any of you. If she wanted you dead she could have killed all of you without breaking a sweat. You're only human which means even if you fought your hardest she still could have killed you. Stop with your petty grudges because she offended you or hurt your feelings. Grow up and stop acting like children. She's gone, she saved the world, and she saved all of you. Now get over yourselves and leave me alone." I tell them staring them all in the eye before turning around and walking upstairs to my room.

I rip off the blood strewn dress and grab a towel. I feel dirty and used. My blood opened the portal and in turn I lost someone I love. I didn't want to die but I don't like the fact that I will never see Faith again. I hate the fact that I won't be able to write to her anymore. I hate that she won't be writing to me about her life, her past, and the things she is learning in prison. I don't mean things like 'how not to get shived in the bathroom' I mean she was reading a lot more. Half our letters were spent discussing the books we were currently reading.

Getting into the shower I hiss in pain as the water runs over my cuts. They are all shallow but I have found those are the ones that hurt the most. I rinse off the blood and cringe a little as I watch the water turn pink before going down the drain. I didn't bleed that much but it was more than enough. Stepping out I dry myself off and slide into a pair of shorts and a tank top. I grab the first aid kit and clean out all the cuts and bandage them. No need to get a nasty infection because the evil demon used a dirty knife. I finish up by brushing my teeth and hair before going straight to my room. Buffy isn't up yet and I have a feeling she is downstairs having a meeting with the others. At this moment I don't care what they think.

Entering my room I walk straight to my desk. In the bottom drawer underneath two text books are Faith's letter's. Taking them out I can't help but go over them again. I want to feel connected to her. I read the first one. The one I was tempted to burn because I was so angry with her. She had left Sunnydale without saying goodbye to me. She hadn't even taken the time to see me. I was stuck with Dad when she woke up and I know it's not her fault for not seeing me but I was still angry. I was angry that she switched bodies with Buffy. I was angry that she held mom hostage. I was just angry that she wasn't acting like 'my' Faith anymore.

_Hey Daylight,_

_ You know I am not good at this letter writing crap but my shrink says that it's part of the redemption process. You also know that I was never any good at saying sorry, but it's true, I am sorry. I am so sorry for everything that happened in Sunnydale. I know where it all went wrong and that I was doomed from the beginning and I wish I could have changed all that. I would never changed meeting you and getting to know you. I would change how I reacted to everything. _

_ God Dawnie when I killed Finch in that alley it was like my whole world crashed around me. There was so much blood and the look on his face will haunt me till the day I die. I lied to your sister, I lied to everyone, and though I didn't lie to you I refused to tell you so much. So now I am going to tell you everything._

_ I don't know if you are going to get this letter or not. I don't even know if you are going to bother to read it but I feel you deserve the truth. I don't know how much your sister told you and well to be honest most of it is tainted by her perspective of the situation. I know that sounds like a copout and I am not trying to justify my actions but I was really messed up when I arrived in Sunnydale. _

_ I never told you much about my past and I definitely glazed over a lot of things when I spoke about it with Buffy. I don't want to blame past childhood psychological damage for the things I did but again this is a full disclosure letter. My mother was an alcoholic and my father, well, he wasn't much of a father. I barely remember him. All I have are vague memories of being held as a child. He left when I was three and never looked back. He was as good at running away from bad situations as I am. Mom wasn't terrible then but she was going in that direction. Her drinking steadily increased as I got older._

_ By eight years old I was responsible for myself. I had to get up for school on my own, get myself ready, make my own meals, and do my own laundry. Mornings for mom were spent recovering from the previous days drinking. We were on welfare and a good portion of that money went to supporting her habit. I don't think she was the worse mom in the world but she wasn't the best. She never hit me more than necessary and she never sexually abused me. Mostly her form of abuse was neglect. She didn't have time for me and it was made clear from a very young age that I was not wanted. That I was a mistake and she worked hard at pretending I didn't exist. _

_ Her few boyfriends did pretty well at pretending I didn't exist as well. They never touched me except for the occasional smack or rough handling to get me out of the way. None of them wanted a kid around either. So I learned real quick how to make myself scarce. I spent a lot of time on the streets and eventually I got recruited by one of the local drug dealers. Children are very useful when it comes to trafficking drugs because no one looks at a kid carrying a backpack. It was a job of sorts and it provided the food that mom no longer brought into the house. By the time I was ten all of the welfare money was being used on alcohol and if I wanted to eat I had to go find my own food. Each drug delivery earned me 200 dollars and that was more than enough to pay for my food and clothes. I was good at hiding the left over money from my mom because I knew where it would go if she found it._

_ Mom died when I was thirteen and honestly I can't really say I was sorry about it. Her death however changed everything. The police came and took me away as the coroner arrived to cart my mother away. She had fallen down the stairs while leaving the apartment and snapped her neck. At least it was quick versus the slow death of alcohol. The cops took me to the social workers who then put me in a temporary home. "Home" however isn't the best word for that place, more like a holding area for unwanted children. A place filled with bunk beds and too many unwatched, barely clean children. It lasted two weeks before they found me a foster family. They had spent a week just searching for any living family members. It seems I didn't have any. _

_ My first foster family wasn't the best but again they weren't the worst. They gave me a room, a bed, and two square meals a day. They enrolled me into school and made sure I got to and from school. Other than that they left me alone. They had two of their own children and I was just supplemental income. I stayed with them for a year. Then they decided to have another child of their own and I had to leave._

_ My second foster family wasn't the best and it reminded me strangely of home. My foster mother worked but my foster dad stayed home to "take care" of the children. He didn't really do much in the caring department. He spent most of the day watching sports and drinking. We were not to disturb him and we didn't. My second family had three other children besides me; three boys. They weren't much in the sense of company since they were older than me. They left me alone and I did the same for them. _

_ I left my second family because my foster dad took a interest in me. It started off slow with him making me sit on the couch and watch sports with him. Then it was making me have a drink so I would relax. Then it was just some light touching and petting. It escalated but never to the point of being assaulted. I stabbed him twice with a steak knife when he tried to take it beyond the inappropriate touching. That got me shipped out the next day._

_ My Watcher came next and she adopted me. In essence I belonged to the Council and it was made very clear early on what was expected of me. My Emily Townsend was a bit of a bitch but she commanded respect and I learned early on to give it to her. The Council's methods of educating a slayer can be rather harsh. Using a punishment and reward system she broke me to heel. It took several months but I eventually learned to come when called and to obey when ordered. _

_ She kept me and trained me until Kakistos killed her. The reason the gang thought I was dismissive of her death was because in all sense of the word I didn't particularly care. Three years with a woman who has broken you into submission doesn't mean a emotional attachment. As much as she saved me from the foster system she introduced me to some very interesting methods of torture and humiliation. I feared Kakistos more and after seeing how he killed Emily I wasn't as anxious to be next. _

_ In truth I was broken beyond recognition before I even got to Sunnydale and meeting your sister I think was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I don't know how it happened and I can't explain it in the least; I fell in love with Buffy. I wasn't even sure I could feel something like love yet I fell in love with her. She constantly distanced herself from me every time I reached out and that hurt. What hurt the most was her expression that night in the alley. She looked at me like I was a monster, and in a way I suppose she was right. I am a monster. I've been made into a monster by my mother, by my foster families, and by the Council. _

_ You helped me to turn all that around Daylight. You warmed up to me and you wanted to spend time with me because you liked ME! That has never happened to me before. As much as I loved your sister it was you that made me want to change. It was you I felt I had disappointed the most. I tried to change things around after I had gone to the Mayor but I was already in too deep. I did my best to keep Buffy and her friends from getting hurt. I did my best to keep you from getting hurt._

_ When I jumped off that roof it was in an attempt to help save everyone. I didn't want the Mayor to win and I knew that I was his weakness. I couldn't help but care for him. He gave me a glimpse of what it was like to have a father. To have a parent who actually cares about you. Most people take for granted how wonderful it is to have a parent who makes sure that they brush their teeth, eat their vegetable, and drink their milk. The little things regardless of how annoying they are in the moment let you know how much someone actually loves you. I never had that. The only two people in this world who have shown me any form of love or affection have been you and the Mayor._

_ Waking up I was enraged at what I had lost. I had lost a father. I had lost you. I had lost everything. I just wanted to make your sister pay just a little bit for everything she had cost me. I am sorry to say that I actually finished breaking. I didn't think I could become any more broken but I completely shattered when I woke up and found that the world had moved on without me. That Buffy had nearly killed me to save a vampire who had abandoned her? It all felt like my life was meaningless and I wanted to burn the world. I wanted to break everything, to shatter those around me so they would have at least a small glimpse of my pain._

_ I find it to be a rather ironic fact that Angel saved me. That he refused to kill me. That he protected me from your sister. He changed things for me. I remembered you then. I remembered that there was still people out there that cared about me. Well I hope you still care about me because I do care very deeply about you Daylight. I might never get out of here. I might die here but I don't want to die knowing that I never at least tried to apologize to you._

_ If you get this letter and you actually read it I just want you to remember that I love you, that I am sorry, and that I wish I could make it up to you._

_ Your friend always_

_ Faith_

That letter made me forgive her or at least start to. I wrote back and she became my wall through everything else that happened. I wrote to her about everything. What am I going to do without her? Laying down I cradle her letters to my chest and the tears start to come again. I cry silently until my eyes hurt and thankfully I finally fall asleep.


End file.
